Does He Ever Get The Girl?

(Let me get this out of the way: I have a habit of titling all my entries after songs. Today's contribution bends that rule a bit, for the title comes from a refrain in a Dashboard Confessional song. But it was so apt that I had to use it.)

Baseball and love have a lot in common, and I'm not just talking about the "bases" being used as reference points for how far a relationship has progressed. Sacrifices in baseball, whether a bunt or a fly ball, are vastly underrated. And the bunt in particular is in danger of becoming a lost art. Sacrifices for the sake of love are also becoming more scarce. And in this era of free agency, wooing a player has become much like courting a potential mate.

A team puts on its best face, wines and dines the free agent, and only talks about the good things they have to offer while keeping the negatives hidden in the closet. It really is a lot like dating, looking for that "special one" to settle down with long-term. So my Texas Rangers are a lot like, well, me.

I meet a new person, put my best foot forward, and she might be really intrigued.

The Rangers focus on a player, try to get them to visit, and pitch the fact that the D/FW area is a great place to live whether you are single or raising a family.

Now let's combine both examples.

A player's agent returns Texas' phone call. (I start a conversation with a woman.) Pretty soon, the player's desires are made known - length of contract, dollar amounts, etc. (This imaginary woman and I agree to meet. Maybe for drinks. Maybe just lunch.) The player might even visit the team to get a feel for the area and the facilities. (The woman starts to get more curious about the "real" me. Are you close to your family? Do you want kids? What are your friends like?) Both player and agent say nice things about the Rangers, and then Texas does the same regarding the free agent. (Common phrases: We seem to have a lot in common. It was great to see you. I had a nice time. I'm glad I got to talk to you. You are so sweet!)

And there it is - the death knell. The last step in this four-part courtship signals one thing, and one thing only. The dreaded Friend Zone.

I know it all too well, and so do the Rangers. They are a good club to use as leverage with other teams in order to get a better offer. And I am just smart, witty, and (barely) attractive enough to make women wonder if they can find someone even slightly better.

(Truth be told, I am probably most like the Florida Marlins. They have twice won the World Series. I have been married twice. Both times, after winning, the team dismantled with startling rapidity. I have been divorced twice. But using the Marlins as an example in this stretch of a metaphor would not be nearly as fun, so hang with me. It's almost over.)

Reports started filtering in yesterday afternoon that the Rangers and Kevin Millwood had agreed to contract terms and a formal announcement would be made after the requisite physical. I first heard about it in an email update from the incomparable Jamey Newberg. Suddenly, my spirits were lifted.

My team got who they wanted. Kudos to Jon Daniels. Things are looking up around here.

Maybe I'll be next...